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| Hooray for me! |
The weight lost has changed everything about me: My figure, my attitude, and especially my eating habits. You see before the GB I would eat anything simply because it was within eyesight but now the only time I can eat is when I am actually hungry.
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| So what if you have free pizza? I have an essay to finish |
In fact unless I really am hungry for it food is absolutely disgusting.
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| What is this sandwich made out of, toxic waist? |
I think back on all the times I would just stuff my self without and ounce of remorse and think: Why the fuck would I do that to my body? However even though cutting and stitching my stomach down to the size of an ice cube has decreased the number of times I get hungry I still do. And when my stomach starts grumbling....I turn into something else.
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And God have mercy on you if you get in my way.
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| That's my cheeseburger! |
It creeps me out a little how food can go from a faint blip on my radar to the center of my universe in a matter of hours. The worst thing about this is that even though I feel like I want to eat everything in sight my stomach size makes me full seconds into eating.
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| Three bites of ham sandwich is good enough |
However all because my gut is telling me I have had enough I don't have to listen to it.
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| A sloppy Joe as good as this deserves at least five more bites! |
But I do anyway because if I don't I run the risk of dumping. For those of you who want to know what dumping is here is a link to a website that can explain it better than I can. For those of you who want to know what dumping feels like please refer to the below gif.
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It's like your stomach just decides to punish you and the worst part of it is that you don't know how sever it will be nor how long it will last. It could be as light as a few seconds of dry heaving or as brutal as hour long bloating; aching so bad that all you can do is curl up in the fetal position and prey that it stops. As awful as this is it is the point of gastric bypass. Because of the pain I don't eat the food that causes it-mainly sodas and sugary stuff-and because I'm not eating that food I am losing weight. Sure there are times when I wish I could have a cookie or other types of sweet.
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| I'd sell my soul just for one lick! |
The mountains of vitamins I have to take on a daily basis so I don't develop a deficiency is extremely annoying as well as bitter.
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| Drug addicts would say I have a problem |
And I have lost count of the people who say: "But you're so young, couldn't you have just dieted and exercised?"
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Readers, the reason why my weight got so out of control wasn't because I couldn't diet or exercise. In fact I absolutely loved to go to the gym; one time I stayed on the elliptical for two whole hours! But no matter how much I worked out my efforts would mean nothing since I had no self control when it came to food. I don't know if it's because of my genetics or my Aspergers but for some reason I couldn't leave the dinner table without my stomach aching. It was like I had something inside of me urging me to eat one more cookie or have another glass of soda and I just didn't have the strength to say no to it. And because of this I weighed two hundred and fifty pounds by the time I was twenty and I was miserable.
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I chose to get the gastric bypass not because I was lazy and wanted a quick fix but because I could no longer deny that I had a serious problem and if I didn't get help it would kill me. Yes, the surgery was terrifying and the recovery painful but I knew it was all worth it because it would help me place me on a path towards a long, healthy, and happy life. Being able to fit in to a size ten jeans or walk without having to stop for air every twenty steps isn't what fills me with joy but for the first time in my life I can look in the mirror and say: I love who I am.
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That's all I have to say so until next post Live well, Laugh often, and Love much.
Gifs courtesy of
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