Star wars episode one analysis

In My Opinion

Star Wars Analysis Part 1

Episode 1: The Phantom Menace

Hello everyone on the internet! As you know Disney is in the process of making the seventh installment of the Star Wars saga, movies that I have loved since I was six. To prepare me for this new installment I have decided to dive back into the old movies and give my own analysis of each one. As you can tell by the title I've decided to watch the first prequel before I watch the first original because unlike the original I haven’t seen the prequel in years. For those of you who, like me, am a little foggy about what happens in episode 1 here is a link to the plot synopsis courtesy  myturn21  on IMDb: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120915/synopsis?ref_=tt_stry_pl

Now, I warn you, the above synopsis and this whole blog will contain major spoilers so if you haven’t watched episode 1 yet I urge you to do so in order to form your own opinions and critiques.

Now, without further ado, let’s take the first step into that galaxy “far, far, away” in George Lucas’s Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom menace.

(Star War’s awesome theme plays at sight of poster)

As I said in the title this is-or rather my attempt at-an analysis of the Star Wars movies and not an outright rant. If that is what you were looking for I’m sure you won’t have to look far. For everyone and their grandmother has trashed Episode 1 in blogs, parodies, and angry rants that echo throughout the cyberspace of the internet. In fact legend has it that the very first angry internet review was on this movie.

I don’t know if this is true but at the same time I wouldn't be shocked if it was. Up until Episode 1 the few fan-boy-films in theaters weren't bad enough in order to inspire the hair pulling frustration  that can only be soothed by an hour long V-log. It can also be seen as the starting point of Hollywood’s trend of ruining beloved franchises.

(Soon, trinity of evil, soon)

Though I am not here to rag on this film allow me to give my two cents on the one aspect that everyone hates the most: Jar. Jar. Binks.

(George Lucas what were you on when you conceived this cinematic abomination?)

Before Episode 1 I thought C3PO was the most annoying Star Wars character. He was prissy, uptight, and despite warning others not to get into trouble he constantly got into trouble forcing the other characters to stop in their quest to save the galaxy from evil in order to rescue him! But after watching Episode 1 I realized something: Even though C3PO is annoying if you took him completely out of the movie you would notice.

He was the one who set up the basic exposition for the trilogy and even though his bitching was annoying it could sometimes be funny, especially when he had R2 to play off of. And even though he did need to be rescued a lot he does end up saving the day a couple of times.

Jar Jar Binks, on the other hand, could be erased from all three prequels and not make one bump in the films flow. In fact, I think the film would run much smoother! Some hate him because they think he is a racist interpretation of black people, others because of his annoying accent-whena missa find da person responsible for dis vernacular disaster missa m goin to shove a light-saber down his throat before toss him head first into a sarlacc pit!-and there are those who hate him because allegedly was the reason the Jedi were destroyed.

But I don’t agree with this because it is technically Qui-Gon’s fault for insisting that Annakin be trained even though the Jedi council said:

No, I don’t hate Jar Jar because of his potentially racist disposition. I don’t hate Jar Jar because of his ear-stabbingly-annoying dialect. I don’t hate Jar Jar because of his possible hand in the fall of the Jedi order. No, Jar Jar Binks is my most despised movie character of all times because: He. Is. Completely. POINTLESS!!!!!!

He contributes nothing to the plot and has shown no aspect of his construction-paper-dimensional personality that warrants him existing or even being missed in the films universe! Don’t believe me? Then please watch the scene in the movie where Anakin  and Padme talk for the first time.

Now, would their terribly directed dialogue change one bit if Jar Jar wasn’t in the background screwing around with stuff? NO! Because when it was happening you were most likely doing your best to ignore him in the first place!

There are those who say that Jar Jar is supposed to be the movie’s comical relief but in order to be a successful relief you have to be comical and relieve the audience of the movie’s tension. Not make them wish that they could skip to the scene-WARNING: MAJOR SPOILER-where Anakin slaughters the Jedi younglings  just so they can feel any other emotion beside disgust and shame that George Lucas’s would stoop so low!  I hate Jar Jar so much that I almost hate Qui-Gon for stopping that Federal transporter from crushing the little annoyance.

(Why, Qui-Gon?! WHYYYYYYY!!!)

But other than that Qui-Gon Jin is a pretty cool character. Even  though little is explained about him other than the fact that he trained Obi Wan-and handed the galaxy to the Emperor on a silver platter-the way Liam Neeson plays him gives you a glimpse at the rest of his personality.

He’s less of the wise old master we’re used to from the original trilogy and more of the cop who’s been on the force-I swear to god there is no pun intended-for a decade or two. I think Ewan McGregor did okay as Obi-Wan, giving us  the young apprentice with a little more to learn and a peak at the wise mentor he will one day become, but I also found his performance too rigid. You see, one of the reasons McGregor was chosen for the part of Obi Wan was because he resembled the original Obi Wan, played by Sir Alec Guinness. McGregor took this a step further by spending months learning how to talk and act like Guinness and while I do appreciate his efforts this is what made him fall flat so many times in the movie. In fact, in some scenes it seems like he is physically trying to get out of the mold he'd been put in. This prevented him from adding his own personal touches and make the character his own. It also didn't allow me to connect with him properly and almost didn't leave an impression on me.

However this guy had no such problem.

(The face that shot the sale of  extra caffeinated coffee through the roof)

According to reports when Lucas conceived the design for Darth Maul he wanted “a figure from your worst nightmares” a goal that was not only reached but made even more appropriate by the movie’s setting. You see, by the time Episode 1 happened the Sith had all been wiped out and were just a dark part of the Jedi’s past. To have Darth Maul suddenly popping up like he did would be like Freddy, Jason, or some other monster your parents told you were not real  coming to life with the sole purpose of destroying you and everything you hold dear.

A monstrous nightmare. A demonic spector. A phantom menace?

Okay, okay I know that was corny but it’s still true. With his cold yellow eyes and distinctly Lufilian appearance Darth Maul spawned many dark dreams and was part of one of my favorite fight scenes.

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w42nD3vfUZ0

The fight choreography, the pacing, and the amazing background score make this scene truly worthy of the Star Wars name and exposed the world to the awesomeness of the double lightsaber.

   

(Fuck pepper spray I want to walk around campus with this in my purse!)

I’m sure if there was more scenes like this one more people would have liked Episode 1. Whereas in  the original trilogy the characters spent the majority of the time fighting and trying to  get away from the newest threat the characters in Episode 1 spent a good chunk of their time dealing in the exciting world of politics!

...Yeah even though I've wondered how the government in Star Wars worked it’s pretty hard to focus on it when there is a full scale war on Naboo! It makes the film less the first part of a space opera and more of an Abraham Lincoln movie.

No, not that one

Not that one either, though both are pretty good and enjoyably cheeses. I was thinking more of this movie:

Even though I liked the portrayal of such a monumental event in US history-and thought that the actors did an excellent job, there came a point when I asked myself  “When are we going to leave these poorly lit rooms and see some antebellum warfare?”.

And whether you love or hate Episode one you have to agree that some of the acting was pretty bad, especially this kid’s acting.

(Just keep in mind that this is going to become one of the greatest bad asses in history)

Forgive me if I sound like a bitch but Jake Lloyd is the worst child actor I have ever had the misfortune of viewing. I can literally remember at the age of ten cringing-yes actually cringing-every time he spoke, his words so flat they made a year old open can of soda have more fizz in comparison. Back then I just chalked it up to him being a bad actor but now that I've really sat down and thought about I realized that the reason he rubbed me the wrong way was because he was acting like he was in a movie.

Allow me to explain: You see a good actor(note the emphasis on the word good) will spend months and even years researching the culture, setting, and time period the character they have been chosen to play exists in as to get the proper mindset. If an actor is chosen to play a soldier he or she might spend time in a boot camp in order to grasp the stress and dedication that an actual soldier feels. If they’re doing a period piece they might sit down with a historian or read books on the subject.

This is all so that when they finally display their acting on screen the audience will go “Wow, that’s a slave owner played by Leonardo DiCaprio” and not “Hey, that’s DiCaprio as a slave owner.”

(By the way, who do I have to kill to get this man an Oscar?)

The way Lloyd plays Anakin I wouldn't be shocked if he’d come on set having learned he got the role a week before shooting and spent a few hours learning the script. He had as much connection with the other characters as you would with a theme park mascot and was trying so hard to keep that giddy grin over being in a movie off his face that he emoted as little as possible

(Also if you look closely at the reflection in his eyes you can see his parents counting the money from his check off set.)

But to be fair an actor is only as good as the person directing them which I doubt Lucas did little if not any. Which is strange because he directed A New Hope and did great in that one but here it’s like a where’s waldo book and you have to  plaster your corneas to the screen in order to find him. In some scenes like the fights and the conversation Obi-wan has with Qui-Gon you’ll see some of his old magic but the rest Lucas might as well have been miles away on some sandy beach and phoned it in whenever it was absolutely necessary.

  

(Yes, this magical and mysterious power is actually caused by a bunch of parasites who live in the blood stream of living things)

All this makes Episode one a poor prequel to such great movies and a hollow film if it had to stand on its own. As for my feelings upon watching it again it’s the same as the first time, it’s a little heavy on the bad side but not enough to start a riot over. But re-watching  has given me a  new query: Why doesn't anybody put railings along walkways stretching over bottomless abysses in this galaxy? I mean during the construction process it never crossed anyone's mind that people could slip and fall?

(Yeah, maybe this wouldn’t have happened if the fucking safety regulations were up to code!)

Well what they were-or weren’t-thinking I’ll leave up to you. Right now I have a certain first part of a trilogy to look at.

Pics And Gifs Courtesy Of:

Dan. Star Wars Complete Saga Poster. Digital image. Fanpop. Fanpop. Inc, 2012. Web. 18 Aug. 2013. <http://images.fanpop.com/images/image_uploads/Star-Wars-Complete-Saga-Poster-star-wars-425795_1440_982.jpg>.

St. Jason. Star Wars: Episode 1. Digital image. Extremely Loud And Incredibly Broke. WordPress.com, 18 Jan. 2010. Web. 16 Aug. 2013. <http://extremelyloudandincrediblybroke.wordpress.com/>.

Imaging, Reina. Final Transformers Poster. Digital image. Reinaimaging.com. Flickerscribe.com, 22 June 2007. Web. 16 Aug. 2013. <http://www.flickscribe.com/2007/06/22/final-transformers-poster/>.

Imp Awards. Eragon Poster # 7. Digital image. IMPawards.com. N.p., 7 Nov. 2006. Web. 16 Aug. 2013. <http://www.impawards.com/2006/eragon_ver7.html>.

Lucas Films. Jar Jar binks. Digital image. Ugo.com. IGN Entertainment, 6 Apr. 2010. Web. 16 Aug. 2013. <http://www.ugo.com/tv/star-wars-comedy-cartoon>.

Mattgaren. Oh-heeeell-to-the-no.gif. Digital image. Degrassi Wiki. Wikai, 24 Sept. 2013. Web. 30 Sept. 2014. <http://degrassi.wikia.com/wiki/File:Oh-heeeell-to-the-no.gif>.

Nyoro-n :3. Gasping colbert. Digital image. Ao No Exorcist. Moe Sucks, 15 May 2011. Web. 16 Aug. 2013. <http://moesucks.com/2011/05/15/ao-no-exorcist-ep-1-oh-good-lord-im-satans-spawn/>.

Strivingafterwind. The Last Airbender. Digital image. The Pagoda in Reading, Pa. Strivingafterwind.con, 25 Jan. 2011. Web. 16 Aug. 2013. <http://www.strivingafterwind.com/2011/01/the-pagoda-in-reading-pa/>.

Puchko, Kristy. Merida gif. Digital image. Cinimablend.com. Gathr, 14 Feb. 2013. Web. 16 Aug. 2013. <http://www.cinemablend.com/new/My-Feelings-Watching-Good-Day-Die-Hard-GIF-Form-35751.html>.

JAMS. DarthMaul-SWI122.jpg. Digital image. Wookiepedia. Wikai.com, 1 Feb. 2011. Web. 16 Aug. 2013. <http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/File:DarthMaul-SWI122.jpg>.

Darklordsnake. Double Light Saber. Digital image. Star Clone Wars Adventure Forum. Sony Online Entertainment, 22 Feb. 2012. Web. 16 Aug. 2013. <https://forums.station.sony.com/clonewars/index.php?threads/your-favorite-light-saber-style.9413/>.

Blazenhoff, Rusty. Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter Movie Poster. Digital image. Laughingsquid.com. WordPress.com, 16 Dec. 2011. Web. 16 Aug. 2013. <http://laughingsquid.com/abraham-lincoln-vampire-hunter-vampire-slaying-movie-by-tim-burton/>.

Anderson, Peter. Abraham Lincoln vs Zombies movie poster. Digital image. Nameless Horror. WordPress.com, 10 Aug. 2012. Web. 16 Aug. 2013. <http://pete975.wordpress.com/2012/08/10/review-abraham-lincoln-vs-zombies/>.

DreamWorks II Distribution Co., LLC. Lincoln movie poster. Digital image. IMBd. IMBd.com, 22 Aug. 2012. Web. 28 Aug. 2013. <http://www.imdb.com/media/rm291022848/tt0443272?ref_=tt_ov_i>.

T1v37r. Anakinyoung.jpg. Digital image. Wikipiedia. Wikimeida Foundation, Inc., 21 May 2005. Web. 20 Aug. 2013.

WakkoWarnerLuv. Baby Vader. Digital image. Fanpop.com. Spin Entertainment, 2012. Web. 30 Oct. 2013. <http://www.fanpop.com/clubs/anakin-skywalker/images/16628395/title/baby-vader-photo>.

Atchka. What gif. Digital image. Fircefatties.com. N.p., 19 Feb. 2013. Web. 20 Aug. 2013. <http://fiercefatties.com/2013/02/19/cha-cha-cha-chance/>.

NicolasA. Leonardo Dicaprio in Django unchained. Digital image. Unionstreet.com. N.p., 17 Jan. 2013. Web. 28 Aug. 2013. <http://unionstreet.fr/glorious-bastard-django-unchained/>.

Yo Go Re. Darth Maul falling in Star wars Episode 1. Digital image. OAFE.net. OAFE.net, 8 Dec. 2010. Web. 19 Aug. 2013.

DingoPictures. “Qui gon Jinn and Obi Wan Kenobi vs Darth Maul” clip. 2 Jan.2013. Youtube. 18 Aug, 2013

WTF: Ann Coulter

Hello people of the internet. As you know last April a group of dick less cowards, known as Boko Haram, kidnapped 300 girls from their school in Nigeria. Since then their leader-who I pray burns in the deepest level of hell-has been producing viral videos claiming that the girls will be, or have already been, sold into sexual slavery. As horrible as this is it most likely would have been swept under the rug and forgotten if not for the hash-tag #bringbackourgirls created by the girl's families and loved ones.

This hash-tag blew up on Twitter earning support from politicians, celebrities, and every day people and has led Chine, England, The U.S, and other countries to send  in troops and aid in order to help rescue these girls from their captors. As heart breaking as this story is it has been subjected to merciless trolling by various people-mainly from the republican and conservative party- like Ann Coulter who in an attempt to mock First Lady Michelle Obama's picture-showed above-posted this:

You have to understand that this pile of human filth is not just mocking our first lady but a movement that was created in order to stop a terrorist group that is using kidnappings like this and mass murder of innocent people in order to take control of a whole country! I admit that at first glance  the whole twitter campaign may be stupid and shallow but when you sit down and really think about it it is a success because it makes sure that the outside world does not forget about what those girls are going through.

Atrocities like the Holocaust, the Genocide in Rwanda, and the horrors experienced by soldiers during the Vietnam war went on for as long as they did because only a small number of people knew about them and it made it easy for the rest of humanity to ignore it.  The only time we can, no, are allowed to stop hammering this hash-tag into the thoughts of the world is when these innocent children are back home with their families

Happy Mother's day!

Hello people of the internet and a great big happy mother's day! I like to dedicate this post to my amazing mother who is the reason why I am the way I am. She never let my aspergers be a limitation on my life and always supported me in all things I did. So though this post is short I want her-and all other mothers like her-to know that I love her with every ounce of my soul!

One down, three more to go.

Hello People of the internet! At exactly 1:30 pm Wensday my first year of college was  officially over!

God, it seems like yesterday my mom was helping me hang up posters on my walls and now I'm taking them down and wincing at the holes they left in the plaster. The things I have experienced this past year are made even more amazing considering that, for a long time, I thought I would never have them. As a kid i would watch those cliche college movies and fantasied what it would be like to live on campus, but at the back of my mind was the sobering conclusion that I never would. Though my mom never wanted my Aspergers to be an excuse for me missing out on life's opportunities she was a bit wary of letting me live away from her and for a while so was I.

But when we sat down and realized how much gas money we would burn driving me back and fourth from the GGC campus we realized that-though hard for the both us-living on campus was the best choice for me. My nerves were covered up by my preparation for my new room: picking out the color scheme, buying supplies-which I wouldn't need since I only used a pencil once this whole year-and crocheting a blanket that I would snuggle up to while studying.It was only an hour after my mom left that the homesickness hit me and I realized how close I was to my family. Though I didn't have many friends throughout my childhood and teen years I always had at least one of my siblings at my side.

"Is this what it is like to be an adult?" I wondered, munching on plate of french fries in the dinning hall.

This lowliness would come back from time to time but I would get through it, reminding myself  of the love I had waiting for me mere miles away. And though I dread the upcoming three months of no work I am overjoyed to be finally leaving my room mates! Along with learning to except being on my own, manage my time better, and other such things living on campus has also taught me that people can be weird, rude, and absolutely disgusting!

I won't mention their names-mainly because I can't remember them-but believe me when i say that the three girls I roomed with made my life a hygienic hell! Let's start with my roommate who lives in the room right next to mine whom I will call Locks because over her long locks of hair that seemed to want to break me. About a few weeks after she had moved in I started to notice that Locks would leave lumps of her hair in the shower, floor, and even on my clothes.

I don't know how they got their but sure enough every time I put them on I would find at least ten strands woven through the fabric like some disgusting form of embroidery! For the sake of peace I didn't say anything thinking that Locks had yet to realize that she was living with different people and not her family, who I am sure was able to put up with her habits.

But that grace period expired a week later and broke when I came home from the gym and saw the biggest clump of hair sitting in the drain. I was so pissed but decided to wait her out: Eventually she too would get tired of taking an unwanted bath every time she showered and not do it again. A week later it was finally taken out and Locks decided to talk to me about it. But to my surprise it wasn't to say sorry about her lack of home training but to suggest that the strands ruining our plumbing were mine.

Now here's three reason why that statement was complete and utter bullshit:

1: Though thanks to my grandfather and great grandfather my hair is extremely fine it is also extremely dark red and trapped in sister locked coils; a complete opposite to the foot long, straight, and black strands that have been driving me insane.

2: In the two semesters I had lived there never once did the water that sprayed out of that dorm room showered head touch a single lock of my hair since I always kept it cover with a shower cap and-later on when that broke-a plastic grocery bag.

3: Even if by some grace of God so much as a single strand managed to escape from the plastic prison I had trapped it in I wouldn't leave it for her to find because my mother always taught me that to do that would not only be extremely disgusting but announce to the world: I HAVE NO HOME TRAINING!

Did I say this? No. I just smiled through my teeth and went back into my room, fuming over an online hidden object game as she chatted to her family-which I could hear through the paper thin walls-till 12:00 in the morning!

I actually do remember the  name of my next roommate but as I said before I won't say it and instead shall call her Febreze, after the air freshener she would merrily spray around the apartment instead of taking the mountain of trash to the shoot right down the hall from our suite. For you to better understand my plight allow me to give you some history:

Along with being the first roommate to arrive in our suite Febreze was also the first bringer of a, normally mundane, object but would become the main source of tension between the four of us: A trash can. Even though they didn't put it on a list of things we needed to bring my college did not provide a trash can for the dorm. Before she had come I'd been using an orange box for a trash can so I was so grateful of Febreze for bringing one for us to use.
It was a week later, as I was working on my math homework, that there was a knock at my bedroom door. On the other side was a fuming Febreze.

"I'm taking the trash can home." She said. "Those other two don't take it out and I am sick of doing it!"

It wasn't till later that I noticed that she only blamed my other roommates and that she most likely said the same thing to them. But at the time I gave her a polite "That's okay" and closed the door.



When I came back after the weekend I brought my own trashcan, a simple white one that sat in the corner of the pantry in doorway. At the time I thought Febreze was just over reacting and that my roommates and I would pitch in and keep the trash empty. God how wrong I was.
It was the tenth time of  dragging the ripping trash bags to the shoot I realize that the others had no intention of getting off their asses and keeping the place clean! At first I was going to follow Febreze's lead and take the trash can away but after a talk to my mom I decided to do the same thing I did with Locks and wait it out. Thanks to some spicy food our trash was pretty smelly and would surely be taken out once they saw I put my foot down.



I don't know if they couldn't smell but somehow these girls-and I use that term extremely lightly-would let this trash pile up at least three feet above the rim before they would cave in and take it out! It was no skin off my back since I retreated into my room the second I got back from class but they would be having friends and classmates over, sitting mere inches from the Mt Ever-stank looming in the corner. After about the fifth time this cycle happened Febreze came up to me and asked why I haven't taken out the trash.

After getting over the shock that she could in fact smell I said: "Well, excuse me if I sound rude,  but why don't you take it out?"

"Because that is you and your roommates job."

Now like most people I had a voice in my head and when I heard that comment the voice screamed: BITCH, YOU ARE MY ROOMMATE! I'm not related to you, by blood or marriage, but since I am sharing the same living space with you that makes you my roommate=YOU NEED TO TAKE OUT THE DAMN TRASH.

But of course on the outside I was like:



One of the greatest things about summers is that I won't have to deal with Febreze again nor Ghost. Oh, Ghost is my third roommate. I call her that because all throughout the year I would rarely see her. Oh the music from her room and the cartons of food in the fridge would tell me she was there but I can only count six times I have witnessed her physical manifestations. She gave me the less stress but I would have appropriated if she would have helped me with Febreze and not put her babies dirty diaper in the full trash when she visited.
Though Locks, Febreze, and ghost drove me up the wall through out my first year they did teach me that I needed to speak up more. By taking the silent rout I was only making our problem's worst, something that I won't do next year.

http://seattlesportsnet.files.wordpress.com/2013/11/anchorman-celebration-gif.gif