My Thoughts On: Star Vs the Forces of Evil

Hello people of the Internet! Man has 2016 sucked! There have been so many awful events occurring during this year that I have deliberately stayed away from this blog to keep it from sounding like a fragmented suicide note.
 

Now with this flaming train wreck of an election finally over I feel safe enough to return to you readers and talk about a new hidden gem I recently stumbled upon called:
 
A cartoon created in 2015 by Disney the show's premise is based on the done-to-death anime trope of a magical princess who is forced to flee from her kingdom to the mundane, non magical, realm of earth where she teams up with an ordinary guy to fight the monsters and baddies that come after her. However the show sets itself apart do to the fact that its main character, Star Butterfly, is a hot mess.

And I mean that literally

Star didn't have to leave her dimension because she was in danger, she had to leave her dimension because she was the danger. On her fourteenth birthday Star inherited a magical wand from her mother and after abusing its power almost immediately, via setting the castle on fire, her parents decided to send her to earth so that she could learn some discipline while keeping from hurting people.

From her own dimension, the people of earth are pretty much fair game. Her companion on this new adventure is fourteen year old Marco Diaz who at first seemed like the standard "normal guy thrown into a crazy situation against his will". He's as the "safe kid" , a distinction he embodies fully yet hates whole heartily, and is desperate to rid himself of. When I was watching this show I thought that it was going to be one of those be-careful-what-you-wished-for type deals with Marco being overwhelmed at the sight of the first monster that came after Star, but I was taken by surprise yet again.


Star didn't grant Marco those fighting skills through magic, or by some ancient prophecy, he knew how to do it through years of work and you guys have no idea just how refreshing this was to me. In the last decade shows, books and, movies have been doing their best to break down gender bias by including female characters that do more than just be the damsel the male heroes need to save. Don't get me wrong, I love that they do this, but I hate it when they execute this idea by lazily making the male characters cowardly, weaker, or just plane dumber than the female ones. Like Kevin from the Ghostbusters reboot.

Words can not properly describe how much I hate this character! 

If written right I can enjoy a character who's as dumb as a box of hair but Kevin.....I don't think that he should have lived past the age of ten. To this day I am still perplexed as to why he was written like this, his presence meshed with the chemistry of the other characters like peanut butter and sour pickles and I felt like I was watching an intellectual version of black face every time he was on screen. This is why I love Star and Marco's relationship. Although they are opposites they are still equal to each other, and have enough in common to make their friendship feel believable. 

That's all I got to say on this so until my next post I hope that you Live well, Laugh often, and Love much. 

Pics and Gifs

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My Country's Deadly Addiction

People of the Internet I am heartbroken to be posting about a mass shooting that is shaping up to be the worse mass shooting in my country's history, and another thing that will change the way I see my reality. Whenever I go to the movies I no longer sit where I can see the screen perfectly but where I can get to the exit as soon as possible in case someone starts shooting. In the my colleges library I keep my belongings close at hand so that I won't have to leave them behind in case someone starts shooting. In the-now rare-instances where my family goes out in public I keep each of them in  eye sight so that we can escape together in case someone starts shooting. I am scared, sad, and beyond enraged that this is the world that I, my loved ones, and all the future generations of my family live in and I am demanding that something , anything, be done to cure my country of its addiction to lead and gun powder before its too late.

Live well, Laugh often, Love much, and Pray that better days are coming.

My thoughts on: Sausage Party

Hello people of the Internet! You ever go into something with a full expectation of what it is going to be only to be shocked when it turns out completely different? Well, I did when I watched the trailer for the newest animated feature Sausage Party.

Now this tailor appeared in my must watch box on you tube a few days back and I ignored because, going on the name, I thought it would just be another raunchy guy comedy only animated instead of live action. A bit snobbishly I just assumed that this flick would be nothing but a lazily put together boat for penis jokes, and the only reason why I decided to give the trailer a look last night was so that I could have something to rant about in this blog post. I started like this:

And ended like this:

Bravo Mr. Rogen 

I totally did not see the direction this film was going nor just how brilliant, and horrifying, it would be! Honestly I should have seen something like this coming, I mean, the most popular trend in animation now a days is to give human emotions to non-human things-Inside Out and Zootopia just to name a few-but to give it to food, and keep in the horrifying reality of it, is just mind blowing! I know Toy Story gave us an idea how much it can suck when no one thinks you are sentient, but due to the fact that the food in Sausage Party cannot express their emotions-terror in particular-to their humans adds a dash of panic and despair that those other movies seemed too afraid to address. 

I'm excited to see more of this movie and I hope you will too, but until my next post I hope that you Live well, Laugh often, and Love much

Gifs & Video:

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Why I hate soul plane

Hello people of the Internet! Let's talk about Soul Plane.

Created in 2004 the movies stars Chris Rock, Tom Arnold, Snoop Dog, and a whole other sleuth of black comedians as the crew and passengers embarking on the maiden flight of the hip-hop concentric airline, NWA. When I first saw the movie I thought it was funny, but looking back on it as an adult all I can do is this:

The reason for this shift in opinion is that I now know the difference between a comedy and a parody. Sure both genres are designed to make you laugh, but they do so in a different way. In comedy the humor comes from the character's suffering. I know that may sound sick, but if you think back on all the things that have really made you laugh you will realize that they contain some amount of pain. Comedies also tend to exist in a universe similar to our own, in that the reactions to the situations are congruent to what they'd be in real life. For instance if a character were to walk into a restaurant and be so mesmerized by how good their date looks that they trip and fall on their faces the people around them would be surprised, concerned, and maybe even find it funny. Because again comedy is about suffering.

Loudly

This is not the case for parodies. In that world even if that character were to take a swan dive into another guest's soup they would probably continue to eat as if nothing had happened. This is where the humor come from; an utter unacknowledgment of the craziness and bazaar.

The problem with Soul Plane is that it doesn't seem to know if it wants to be a comedy or a parody. It has the exaggerations found in parodies-just take a look at the plane-but the reactions are way off. For instance the main character, played by Kevin Heart, seems like an ambitious likable young man who wants to create a legitimate business that would better cater to the African American community. However when he gets on the plane he doesn't freak out over the fact that it is designed in a way that would make it unqualified to be even on a runway, but that the captain was in a middle eastern prison.

Also because this flick has no idea what mood it wants to set the jokes that would be acceptable in a parody, and edgy in a comedy, come off as so racist I'm surprised their wasn't a rally in response! Especially this scene, https://youtu.be/t0vICOySZfs. I am shocked by how this movie with so much comedic talent could go so wrong!

That's all I have to say so until next post I ask that you Live well, Laugh often, and Love much.






Gifs from:

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In My Opinion: Life and Death: Twilight Reimagined

Hello people of the Internet! Do you guys remember Twilight? That 2008 young-adult-vampire-romance novel that spawned a money making franchises, created countless jokes and memes that will haunt all those involved with it to their graves, and led to the making of a BDSM erotic novel so ridiculous that it would have the gimp from Pulp Fiction going:

He did what with the tampon?

For those of you lucky enough to dodge this pop-cultural bullet I suggest you hit the deck because in honor of the series's ten year anniversary Stephanie Myers has created another book titled  Life and Death: Twilight Reimagined.

As horrifying as this must be I can assure you that it only gets worse. For instead of being about Edward and Bella's lives after Breaking Dawn, or even about one of the secondary characters, this story is a retelling of the first book only with the genders of the characters-except for Charlie-swapped.

Just pretend that the child is your mental health

As you can tell by the gifs I'm not really much of a fan of this new book, not because what it is about, but the reasons why it was made. You see according to interviews the reason why Myers decided to create this "story" was because she was under the impression that changing Bella into Beaufort-I swear on my grandmother's gave that is really the name she went with-would stop the world from seeing her as a damsel in distress. Please use the following ellipsis as a moment to allow this to sink in.

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..........It hit rock bottom? Good, on with the post! 

Now the most obvious thing wrong with this is that Mrs.Myers is implying that the damsel in distress is a roll that can only be played by female characters which is completely false. At first damsels in distress were actual damsels because their stories were reflecting the idea of the time in which women were thought of as helpless plot points that turn into a reward for the hero. But like with other aspects of our world this idea has changed with countless books, TV series, comics, plays, and other forms of media having damsels that are not only male but have different ages, social statuses, and even species; go here if you want some examples https://youtu.be/SE7FK9H8gGE. Hell, even the hero of the series can be a DID.

The reason why this is possible is because a damsel in distress is not an role defined by what a character is but by what they do in the story, and needing to be saved by the hero does not mean they are to be hated by the fandom. In fact some of my most favorite fictional characters are the ones whom tend to get tied to the train tracks more than they should. The reason I don't find them irritating  is because they have personalities that are likable, developed, and don't revolve around their archetype. Take for instance Gwen Stacy and Mary Jane from Spiderman.

 I admit I see why Peter Parker is willing to dive off of sky scrapers for Mary Jane: She's pretty and seemed to be the only non-related female character that didn't treat him like garbage in the first two films, however if I were a superhero I wouldn't give her the same attention. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't sit back and watch her get roasted in a house fire but I wouldn't make her the eternal object of my love and undying affection because she doesn't offer anything about her to love or be affectionate about. I am sorry if she is not like this in the comics, but the first introduction I had to her character was in the Raimi films and in those movies the majority  of her scenes involved her needing to be saved from some type of threat, messing around with the relationship between her and Peter, or showing why the aforementioned relationship would not be able to function in the real world!

The relationship between Gwen and Peter doesn't have this problem; she is someone I would bend over backwards for even if she was just my friend. Not only does Gwen get into less trouble in the Webb films, but the times she does is usually because the threat is too much for her to take care of on her own and/or she was helping Peter beat the bad guy. And her contributions actually lead to their demise! Also while she does love Peter enough to disregard the wishes of her dead father to stay away from him she isn't too devoted to the point that she wouldn't break up with him when the relationship threatens her goals or emotional health. And even though she does take him back it is only after they both agree to make compromises that  they are both satisfied with. Like real, and believable, couples do. 

Stephanie Myers this is what a believable attraction looks like!

Unlike other Hero/Love interest parings I honestly thought that Gwen and Peter could have had a happy future together which was why it broke my heart when she died. Sorry for anyone who didn't see the Amazing Spider man 2 but not only does Gwen Stacy die she dies because Peter fails to save her. Combined with the fact that they had a real connection it is understandable  why Peter would become horribly depressed over her passing.

Why couldn't it have been MJ?!

But even after she is gone Gwen still manages to give Peter the support of a caring girlfriend by reminding him that he should continue on with his life even though she's not going to be in it. Well that is if cloning or magic is not going to be a possibility in the next film. This type of selfless love is something that both Raimi and Myers failed to portray and cannot be fixed with an overused fanfic-trope. 

That's all I got to say so until my next post I ask that you Live well, Laugh Often, and Love much.


Pics and Gifs courtesy of:

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In My Opinion: Why Donald Trump shouldn't be president

Hello people of the Internet! I don't want Mr. Trump to become our next commander and chief because of something I don't like about him but because of the thing I do like about him: How strongly he believes in his opinions. You can call him alot of things-sexist, racist, painfully archaic in his world views-but you have to admit that Donald Trump is a man who mostly says what he means and means what he says and will go to any lengths necessary in order to accomplish a goal; which is a refreshing and rare quality in todays politicians. One of my greatest pet peeves about the government is how a group or person can be willing to die fighting for a cause one second and then wiling to die fighting against it the next.

I'm talking to you democrats!

Even when his opinions are beyond wrong it would be a snowball's chance in hell for Mr. Trump to go back on them....which is where the problem arises. While this type of stubbornness works in the corporate world from which Mr. Trump hails from that is because the final say in a company's fate rest solely on the decision on the person who created and/or owns it. There are ways to make change happen, but the majority of them involve getting the boss to change his mind which is not the case in the American government. 

Although I believe our founding fathers have literally written us into a political corner on some issues they also made sure that the only way any one could change them-be they the president or a simple college blogger-is if they gather, or convince, enough people to agree with their opinion. We're not a direct democracy but we are a society that strongly believes that the views, opinions, and beliefs of all its citizens have a right to be listened to as well as respected which is something that Mr. Trump has yet to show he can do. Like with most opinionated people-myself included-Mr. Trump has a hard time accepting criticism be it constructive or spiteful, and has reacted to it in a fashion that is not only in bad taste but can be down right bratty.

The US has preached about the merit of people choosing their leader so strongly we are often judge as a whole based on the actions of our elected leader. This means that they can't give out the personal numbers of their rivals, or decline to attend a meeting they deem "is not worth their time", or make offensive and racist generalizations on a whole group. I'm not saying that they have to be complete push overs but a president must know when to fight and when to let things go since their reaction can be the only thing standing between the well being of their people and war. 

That's all I have to say so until next post I ask that you Live well, Laugh often, and Love much.

Gifs From:

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Back to school

Hello people of the Internet! This is just a quick post to inform that I am back in college and am so far doing well. I registered for a mandatory power stretch class to get me to the gym, and purchased three physical calendars to make sure I don't get tripped up by "surprise" assignments and papers. On the downside I think I might be getting depressed again since finding out that I had brought the wrong calculator today was enough to bring me to tears. I didn't cry though which makes me hopeful that this is just some lingering traces of homesickness, and the stress of being in a twelve bedroom dorm again. However, unlike last year, there are four other people who do not like a game of tag-literally some of the girls were playing tag-at eleven pm so hopefully I won't have to be the one to put her foot down for some quiet. That's all I have to say so until next post I hope that you Live well, Laugh often, and Love much.

In My Opinion: Babadook is a brilliant film

Hello people of the Internet! In my opinion a good film is one that can make me laugh or cry while a brilliant film is one that makes me have a revelation like the one in the physiological horror movie The Babadook.

Created by Australian director, Jennifer Kent, the movie tells the storey of Amelia Vannick who after reading a strange pop up book to her son finds herself under attack by a boogey-man-like entity called the Babadook. What struck me wasn't the scares or acting-which were both done very well-but the lesson that the film had: Sometimes the best way to resolve a problem is to acknowledge that it exist. Unlike other monsters like Freddie or the Poltergeist ghost the Babadook draws its strength not from its victims fear or attention, but from how hard they try to ignore that it exist.

About halfway through the film I realized that it was actually a symbolic portrayal of how illness like depression are treated-or rather untreated-by society. Speaking from personal experience I can tell you that depression is just like this movie minus the shadow demon: Even if you are not the one afflicted with it the tension just keeps building and building until it gets too massive, or too dangerous, for you to ignore. While the whole standing up to the monster is a common trope in scary movies this one continues with the symbolism by having the creature stay  with Amelia and her son after the climax as well as have them interact with it. This is not a happy relationship-Amelia  and Sam are still very much afraid-but it is a necessary one in order to keep the Babadook from growing too strong again, just like with depression.

It is an illness that stays with a person the rest of their lives, and although it can be scary at times it will not keep you from living your life as long as you keep an eye on it. That's all I have for now so until my next post I hope that you Live well, Laugh often, and Love much.

Tornadoes, WiFi calling, and Idiots

Hello people of the Internet! Yesterday I got to know what my college's tornado warnings procedures were first hand when we got  a warning of one that could possibly form near our area. Around 2:15 pm I was in the library looking up TED talks for my field hours when the hum of an alarm suddenly echoed throughout the computer space. At first I, and everyone else around me, thought that the maintenance crew had once again triggered the fire alarm while working on the ceiling lights until the alarm sounded again and I realized that it was coming from my phone. Confused, I woke my cell out of sleep mode and found a message, like this one, filling the screen:

It was then I noticed how dark the clouds were in the sky, and how hard the trees swayed in the wind. Now, even though I had enough sense to know that the library-with its wall of two story high windows-was not the best place to be in if a tornado hit, I wasn't sure of where I should go. My dorm was on the other side of campus, and I wasn't even sure I could make it to the dinning hall next door without a branch or sign taking me out. As I sat stewing in my uncertainty two librarians came rushing towards the computer area using blow horns to tell everyone to log out and get to the ground floor as soon as possible; instructions I did not need to hear twice.

There is a possible column of wind and death on the way and I am not going to be here when it arrives.

The library didn't have a basement, or storm shelter, but it is built on the side of a hill so the lower levels might as well be underground. As I hoofed it down the stairwell to safety thoughts of my mom's, sister's, and aunt's well being sprang into mind. My sister would still be at work, and there was a pretty old tree right next to my house. Of course not wanting to fall and break my neck I waited till I had found a spot in the narrow hallway the librarians had shepherd us into to call and check on my family. Or at least I tried. Even though a decent WiFi signal had absolutely no problem what so ever finding my phone through the layer of concrete and drywall, the barest amount of signal I needed to ensure that my loved ones were still breathing couldn't find its way through a sheet of paper!

Before you ask: Yes, I am aware that androids can use WiFi to make phone calls however I had no idea how to activate the one on mine, and at the time I was too busy wondering if I was going to die that to wade through an online tutorial. For a whole hour I sat on the cold hard floor listening for the roar of wind, or a shattering of glass, that would signal the start of mother nature's bitch fit; which thankfully never came. The funny thing is I had just summoned up enough courage to ask the girl beside me if I could borrow her phone to call my mom when they gave us the all clear. However, my calm did not return until hours afterwards since as I was walking out of the building I over heard a boy boasting: "Why were you guys inside? We were out her the whole time and didn't see no Tornado."

Readers, I want you to pay close attention to the following words because they will not only help you stay alive during a time of crises, but  identify the members of your group who should not be allowed to breed:
Even though the human race has created technology that has allowed us to determine what the weather is going to be like we have yet to make a machine, or program, that can pin point the exact time, place, and duration of a tornado hence the reason why we have Watches and Warnings. 
During a tornado watch it is not a good idea for you to go outside, however there is no need for you to barricade yourself inside a storm shelter. That is unless the area you are currently in receives a tornado warning like my college did. Even though warnings do not guarantee that a tornado will form they do show that their is a high chance that one might. Meaning, that unless you want to take the risk of a one hundred mile-per-hour breeze parking an umbrella stand into your skull, you need to get to the nearest shelter as soon as possible!

That's all I got to say, so until my next post I hope you will Live Well, Laugh often, and Love much. 

Gifs:

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PSA: Check your kids book bags!

Hello people of the Internet! This post goes out to all the folks who decided to keep our species kicking and have the products of their-and by that I mean the woman's-labor going to school. Now, I know that whenever you empty out your kids school bags you expect to find old sandwiches, moldy gym clothes, and other such objects of gag-worthy-proportions but I am writing to you today in order to urge you to move those excavations from the summer, spring, and winter breaks to a weekly basis.

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I don't mean to add more to the pressure you feel as a parent but after what I experienced over my Spring break I now believe that taking such a measure will not just improve your kids organization and cleanliness but safeguard their health from some pretty dangerous bugs. To make one thing clear I don't have a child of my own but I do have a fourteen year old, mentally challenged, foster aunt who like many kids suffers from the seasonal sniffles and sneezes. However, last summer my mom noticed that my aunt's allergies were getting pretty bad-the girl couldn't take more than four breaths without sneezing-so along with a new medication she got her to carry a rag in her backpack so that she wouldn't have to get up a thousand time during class to wipe the snot off her lips.

Fast forward to the fifth night of my break when my family and I are about to watch the Mocking Jay part 1; which was a very good movie that I suggest you check it. My aunt had already went up to bed an I was just finishing up some folding when I noticed that Honey-my sister's two year old multi poo-had yet again gotten hold of a rag and was busy tearing it to shreds. After snapping at her to drop it I made to pick it up and toss it in the hamper when I realized that I didn't recognize the pattern on it.

I don't mean to buy into gender stereotypes but in my house the majority of laundry duty falls on my shoulders and as a result I am pretty familiar with all the colors, textures, and thickness of the house wash rags but was unfamiliar with the dark green dots decorating the white rag. At first I thought my mom had brought a new set but that couldn't be because, again, I do the laundry and hadn't washed any other rags with that pattern. Next I guessed that the marks were actually my sister's paints-she has ruined more cloths that way than I can count!-but I scratched that idea since even though the dots ranged in size they were all perfect circles. At a lost I picked up the rag and brought it over to my mom who looked at it for a few seconds before exclaiming "That's mold!". When I hear this I had the following reaction:

I'm not one of those girls who will scream and jump up on a table if I see a vermin run across the floor but if you saw just how infested this rag was with those spores-and no I am not going to show a picture because I am just now able to push the image from my mind-you would flip along with that stomach. As if this wasn't disgusting enough my mom hit my sister and I with another wave of horror when she realized that the rag was the same one she'd given my aunt to wipe away her snot at the beginning of the school year!

This is literally how my sister and I screamed.

That meant that at some point between August and March my aunt stopped wiping her face with a square of terry cloth and started wiping it with a petri dish! Now, you may be wondering why my aunt didn't say anything when the dots started appearing and I remind you that she is autistic and in fact did tell my mom that she needed to switch out the rag that very same day which is how my sister's dog got a hold of it. As my horror over the whole affair started to cool down it was replaced with a mix of clarity and concern. 

You see, even though my aunts allergy medication could clear her sinuses like Drano she was still sniffling and had even started getting bumps on her skin. Her doctor said it could because she'd developed an allergy to our dogs but at that moment I feared it was actually due to the rag. For the rest of the break I watched my aunt like a hawk searching for the vaguest hint of a virus or illness that had germinated on that piece of cloth which had been thrown away along with most of the contents of her back pack; the pack was saved thanks to a mixture of ammonia and vinegar. Thankfully nothing popped up and my aunt is okay but from now on my mom, sister, and I are much more vigilant about what she carries in her bag and I urge you to do the same with your kids. 

That's all I have to say so until my next post I ask you to Live well, Laugh often, and Love much.

Sources 

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http://cdn2.hubspot.net/hub/65360/file-1102771762-gif/blog_transfers/the-hell-is-that.gif

http://media4.onsugar.com/files/2013/07/28/115/n/1922283/951bff5e76010863_tumblr_mgk2z00IKD1r8624lo1_500.xxxlarge.gif

http://38.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lzz2p4e7fO1qlzb7ko1_500.gif

Just to say that I am still breathing

Hello people of the Internet! I just decided to make this quick post to remind all of my readers that I am still kicking and intend to continue writing this blog. Since my last post I have shrunk down to a size 10 pants and have decided to switch my major from early childhood education to special needs education. I will explain why I did so in my next post so until then I hope that you Live well, Laugh often, and Love much!

In My Opinion: How To Tell Kids The Truth

Hello people of the Internet, and Happy Holidays! I know that we all have different traditions and rituals when it comes to this time of the year but the majority of you-especially those with young children or siblings-find yourselves grappling with the age old dilemma: How to tell the kids the truth.

 Hopefully you know what truth I am referring to because I would hate for any kids reading this-which they really shouldn't-to find out this way since believing in "the lie" was one of the brightest highlights of my childhood. My siblings and I would be so excited every year because of the lie and even today thinking back on how passionately we believed it-and defended it-brings a smile to my face. As you have guessed by the use of past tense I have learned the truth and I suggest you let those who still believe in the lie discover it the same way I did: On their own.

You see the reason  why kids believe in the lie so strongly isn't because they are stupid or naive but because the world they live in at the time is  small  enough for them to accept it. A three year old doesn't understand time zones. A six year old doesn't know how many children there are in the world. And ten year old have yet to grasp how impossible-and creepy-it is for one person to have spied on them for the entire year; but one day they will. One day they will realize the truth not because someone told them about it or made a mistake and said the wrong thing but because their view of the world will have expanded enough for them to have realized it on their own. Kinda like slowly waking up from a good dream that they can think back on when they need it. That's all I have to say but until next post Live well, Laugh often, and Love much.





Sources:

http://media.giphy.com/media/kR0S22SGVDm4o/giphy.gif

http://media.giphy.com/media/zkSFsZpQMZuG4/giphy.gif

Happy Holidays

Hello people of the Internet! I know I have been absent for a while but between dealing with my roommates-which is a tale I shall tell in a later post-and struggling through the horror that is finals week I simply haven't had the time nor the energy to whip up a post until now.



Maybe if I stay in bed long enough those three quizzes and ten page essay I have due tomorrow will disappear.

 

In case you were wondering I had an awesome Halloween but a torturous Thanksgiving. The reason why this year's night of tricks and treats was so great for me was because I took one apron, four feather dusters, ten glitter-covered Christmas ornaments, a costume pearl necklace, my senior prom dress, two alligator clips, super glue, and a truck load of determination to create this:

 

 

 

Put that in your pipe and smoke it Martha!

I started working on this burlesque girl costume at one pm the day before my college's Halloween party and finished it about an hour before it was supposed to start. The hardest part was the feather bustle-which I made by following this tutorial http://www.ehow.com/how_8652680_make-feather-bustle.html-  but it was time well spent when I put it all together. I was about to skip the party until my mom said there was no way I could get it done and since I had the same unhealthy competitive nature like she did my mind took that as a challenge.



All I need is a glue gun and a dream

Besides, after all the hell I went through to get the body and the confidence to wear a costume that was tastefully risqué I was not going to let any time schedule-no matter how tight-stop me!Unfortunately my Thanksgiving was not as gratifying.

Even though I loved spending two whole weeks with my family I wish I could have done it in a house that made me wish for a vacation in the Arctic circle! For those of you blessed to live in a warmer country mother nature has decided to make the US her bitch and has graced the eastern seaboard with frigid temperatures that I am sure are just precursors to grander horrors yet to come. Things got better after mom pulled out the giant feet-pajamas and cranked up the heat but they crashed back down to hell-at least in my-when I made the mistake of chowing down on a slice of sweet potato pie.

I regret every bite I took of you!

 To be specific it was the pie's over sweetened filling that got me dumping and not the crust; which was absolute perfection. As I explained in  a previous post it took me a while to realize the hell I had placed myself in and about an hour to be free of it. For the sake of those with sensitive stomachs I won't go into detail but just know that this dumping episode was so brutal that when it was finally done with me all I wanted to do was curl up in the corner with a piece of celery and cry. I pray to god that Christmas doesn't follow the same pattern and I extend this hope to all of you as well. That is all I have to say so until my next post Live well, Laugh often, and Love much.








Gifs


http://giphy.com/gifs/llama-bring-it-on-mVJojMQvDwixG

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WTF: Potty-Mouthed Princesses

Hello people of the Internet! The video you just watched is one of the reason why some people can not stand feminist, which is especially bad considering that I myself am a feminist. No, I am not a she-warrior man hater who think the members of my gender should rule over the race of man but I do firmly believe that to deny someone a job, health benefits, or even an education based solely on their gender is just  as wrong as basing it on their skin color or sexual orientation and is a problem that needs to be stopped in every corner of this world. However this is not the way to do it; although I do understand that they were trying to use shock value to hammer in their point by using shock value but by having young girls-between the ages of six and thirteen-to do it doesn't make you look like this:

But like this:

Because the way to get someone  to stop thinking of your group as a bunch of irrational heathens is to attack them like a bunch of irrational heathens.

This is the mentality the creators of this video have installed in those young girl's heads and it is just as as bad as the mentality they are protesting against! They teach girls that boys are chauvinistic  pigs and boys that girls are soul crushing harpies; the ignorance drowning out the message for equality for both genders.

Sources 

 https://img2.blogblog.com/img/video_object.png

http://www.success.com/sites/default/files/main/articles/Susan-b-Anthony_0.jpg

http://cdn01.dailycaller.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/167273672.jpg

As Told By Gifs: Eating After Surgery

Hello people of the Internet! It has three months since my gastric bypass and I have lost thirty five pounds!



Hooray for me!

 

The weight lost has changed everything about me: My figure, my attitude, and especially my eating habits. You see before the GB I would eat anything simply because it was within eyesight but now the only time I can eat is when I am actually hungry.

So what if you have free pizza?  I have an essay to finish

In fact unless I really am hungry for it food is absolutely disgusting.

 

What is this sandwich made out of, toxic waist?
 

I think back on all the times I would just stuff my self without and ounce of remorse and think: Why the fuck would I do that to my body? However even though cutting and stitching my stomach down to the size of an ice cube has decreased the number of times I get hungry I still do. And when my stomach starts grumbling....I turn into something else.

 

 

 

 

 And God have mercy on you if you get in my way.

 

That's my cheeseburger!


 

It creeps me out a little how food can go from a faint blip on my radar to the center of my universe in a matter of hours. The worst thing about this is that even though I feel like I want to eat everything in sight my stomach size makes me full seconds into eating.

 

Three bites of ham sandwich is good enough

 

 

 However all because my gut is telling me I have had enough I don't have to listen to it.

 

A sloppy Joe as good as this deserves at least five more bites!
 

But I do anyway because if I don't I run the risk of dumping. For those of you who want to know what dumping is here is a link to a website that can explain it better than I can. For those of you who want to know what dumping feels like please refer to the below gif.

 

It's like your stomach just decides to punish you and the worst part of it is that you don't know how sever it will be nor how long it will last. It could be as light as a few seconds of dry heaving or as brutal as hour long bloating; aching so bad that all you can do is curl up in the fetal position and prey that it stops. As awful as this is it is the point of gastric bypass. Because of the pain I don't eat the food that causes it-mainly sodas and sugary stuff-and because I'm not eating that food I am losing weight. Sure there are times when I wish I could have a cookie or other types of sweet.

I'd sell my soul just for one lick!

 The mountains of vitamins I have to take on a daily basis so I don't develop a deficiency is extremely annoying as well as bitter.

Drug addicts would say I have a problem
 

 

And I have lost count of the people who say: "But you're so young, couldn't you have just dieted and exercised?"

 

 

 Readers, the reason why my weight got so out of control wasn't because I couldn't diet or exercise. In fact I absolutely loved to go to the gym; one time I stayed on the elliptical for two whole hours! But no matter how much I worked out my efforts would mean nothing since I had no self control when it came to food. I don't know if it's because of my genetics or my Aspergers but for some reason I couldn't leave the dinner table without my stomach aching. It was like I had something inside of me urging me to eat one more cookie or have another glass of soda and I just didn't have the strength to say no to it. And because of this I weighed two hundred and fifty pounds by the time I was twenty and I was miserable.

 

I chose to get the gastric bypass not because I was lazy and wanted a quick fix but because I could no longer deny that I had a serious problem and if I didn't get help it would kill me. Yes, the surgery was terrifying and the recovery painful but I knew it was all worth it because it would help me place me on a path towards a long, healthy, and happy life. Being able to fit in to a size ten jeans or walk without having to stop for air every twenty steps isn't what fills me with joy but for the first time in my life I can look in the mirror and say: I love who I am.

 

 

That's all I have to say so until next post Live well, Laugh often, and Love much.

 

 

 

Gifs courtesy of

 

http://giphy.com/