Don't paink

Hello people of the internet and happy April Fools eve! Now, I know this is technically not a holiday but I am making it up in order to warn you not to paink  your friends and/or loved tomorrow. No, paink is  not a typo but another new thing I came up which means you, the pranker, do a prank that intentionally causes the prankee some form of pain. For example this:

                                         
And this:

And especially this:

Not only are these pranks chalked full of serious consequences for the prankee but also for the pranker. For instance if someone did this to me:

While they're busy laughing their asses off I'm going to be calling the cops and having them arrested for simple assault! That is if I can resist the urge to scalp them with a dull butter knife. Painking is only fun for the pranker, which in my opinion, is not a good prank. What is a good one is when after their heart beat has calmed down and the embarrassment has ebbed away the prankee can find the humor in it as well and not a pen to fill out a police  report. So avoid the clank and don't paink

Dating and love in general

Hello people of the internet! While checking out my email this morning I found out that I am signed up to an online dating site called Zoosk via facebook. How this happened I'm  not sure but I have decided to give it a try; I may not find the one but at least I will get some practice in the whole dating thing in general. Which I really need since just looking at pictures of my potential suitors had sharp stings of panic racing through my heart.
Why does this happen? Maybe it's because I'm too paranoid that one might be a crazed killer who will hunt me down and skin me alive or that I'm just scared that if I do let them in I'll just get hurt. Not that I've had my heartbroken in the past, in fact, I've never had a real crush before. When I was young I'd mooned over and attempt to flirt with boys but there was no actual genuine affection behind it but a thought that it was the normal thing to do. When I found out-via TV and books-that girls around my age were supposed to be obsessed with boys I decided that I would be too, throwing myself into the prepubescent love scene with all the grace of a three legged cow. No that wasn't a fat joke and no it did not go well.
I had taken a horrible "If you give me stuff I will like you" mentality to the whole thing and felt very uncomfortable about it. Things didn't get better when in my teens all the boys I had been interested in went for my elder sister. I'm not mad about it-since those boys were either losers or potential criminals-but at the time I was really hurt. I felt like the fence between two pastures that boys just hopped over to get to my sister. After the third time this happened I decided to forsake pursuing and just wait for my other half to find me.
But my Asberger's brain couldn't even be content with this action. At night it would torment me with images of living out the rest of my life virginal, childless, and alone, not even able to have an army of cats to keep me company since I am allergic to them! So I'm going to give the cyber highway to love a shot and hoe for the best.

Gastric Bypass appointment: Meeting the therapist

Hello people of the internet! Well I have just got back from the therapist and am now approved for the surgery. I thought it would be a lot harder but it actually felt really was relaxing to talk to someone about my issues.

Maleficent

Hello people of the internet! I was going to post some of my favorite and most hated amusement park rides but then, while watching OMG Insider I stumbled across this baby:

Maleficent isn't just one of my favorite Disney villains but  one of my favorite fictional villains period! Every single one of her scenes in the original animated film terrified me as a kid and as a young adult I can't help but admire the grace, poise, and power she carries with her at all time. When I first heard that they were going to make this into a live action film way back in 2013 I was a little skeptical, especially consider how live action adaptations of fairy tails have been swings and misses over the past few years.

But the second I watched the teaser and saw how the lovely Angelina Jolie flawlessly brought my favorite mistress of darkness to life I was hooked! Now looking at this trailer it seems that Maleficent and King Stefan are going to have some bad history between them and for a couple of seconds I was disappointing.

 Like I said Maleficent is one of my favorite villains and one of the things I liked about her was how evil she could be: She terrorized an entire kingdom for sixteen years, cruelly mocked a prince she had in clutches, and placed a curse on an innocent-and painfully dull-girl all because she didn't get invited to a birthday party!

To cheapen such grade A evil by casting the villain in the role of a "wronged anti-hero" or "The victim of society  imaging and discrimination" would be like watering down a century old wine with tap water to serve at a college mixer!

But after I calmed down I realized something: Although causing such misery is evil to do it over something so small would be pointless and a waist of time. If Maleficent ever existed in the real world she'd most likely be the CEO of a business empire or even through ruler of an entire nation, a tough as nails bitch who could destroy you with her little finger and a tube of lipstick. Kicking up a fuss over something so small sounds like something a bratty teen would do and not a woman who could take over the earth and watch its leaders squirm as she sold it back to them. So, yeah, I'm cool with King Stefan possibly being a douche who messed with the wrong fairy and you bet your Micky Mouse covered shorts I'm going to be one of the first to see Maleficent when it comes out in theaters! 

3xL 

Meredith, I feel your pain

Hello people of the internet! Though this Spring break I wasn't able to go to any of my gastric bypass appointments I was able to:

• Clean my bathroom and bedroom
• Revamp my sewing table
• Pick up my sister's new puppy 
• Watch The Family Stone 

As I watched it I wasn't struck by the brilliant writing and acting but how similar I was to the main character Meredith, played by Sarah Jessica Parker. The uncomfortable way  she tries to get along with her intended husband's family is how I interact with strangers every day. When ever someone I don't know comes up to me it's like invisible armor closes around my body and every inch of me just screams "Go away! I don't know you and don't want to talk to you!". But, because I know this is rude, I try to be the exact opposite. becoming more and more distressed by the minute because the stranger and I both know my act isn't working.
I don't know why I do this because I'm someone who really likes people and wants people to like me. But just like Meredith's proper and uptight attitude gets in the way of her connecting with the Stones my Asperger gets in  the way of me connecting with other people. This scares me  because the man whose's going to marry me and have kids with me and, hopefully, stays with me till the day I die is going to most likely be a stranger.
He could be the guy who sits next to me in my English class, or on the bus on my way to work at the library, or the one who helps me reach the can of minced clams on the top shelf. He could be the one person I have been waiting my whole life for and because my Aspergers equates anyone new with bad I could end up pushing him away.
So Meredith when I say I feel your pain I mean it. But at least you had a man who was willing to see past that armor your body automatically put on to the wonderful woman you could be.

Fashion sewing table

Hi people of the internet! Do you want to know how free magazine subscriptions, a plain desk, and a bit of time and effort can turn into this?

Well just stick around and I'll tell you all about it.
1. Gathering The materials 

As I said thanks to a bunch of online surveys I got tons of free magazine were I could get all of my fashion clippings but if you don't have something like that search around your house for some magazines or just drop a couple of dollars and buy some at the store. When you do get the magazine go through them and cut out the pictures you like like this:

I also suggest that you keep the edgings of the clippings in a bag:

Also in order to keep your clippings together I suggest putting them inside a binder or folder:

You will also need a pair of scissors, spray on glue, and spray on clear lacquer; I got the last two at Walmart for about twelve dollars:

 Lastly, of course, you will need the desk you have chosen to cover 

 2. Prepping your surface

Now, even though I had to take apart the desk in order to get it out of the closet I also suggest that you take apart your desk too in order to make gluing your clippings to it more easier. Once you have done so take a rag or sponge, wet it with some water and dish soap, and thoroughly clean and dry the surface.

3. Getting to work

Since you are going to be working with spray glue make sure the place you are doing this project is well ventilated and the area covered  by news papers or even an old sheet. To start you simply pick a clipping, spray the area of the desk where you want it to  be then place the clipping as shown in the pictures below:

Keep doing this until the surface looks something like this:

You will notice that there are gaps in between the clipping and whether you want to leave them that way is up to you but in my case I wanted to cover them up. To do that I took the clipping edges I had saved and found a scrap I liked:

Cut it out and placed it on the gap:

When all my gluing was done I left it for an hour to dry then took my desk peaces outside. Laying them on the ground I took my lacquer and sprayed an even coat over the surface in order to seal the clippings to the desk.

Again I let the peaces dry for an hour than took them back inside, put them back together and added the finishing touches and my new sewing desk was done!

Spring cleaning

Hello people of the internet! I am writing this as the third day of my Spring cleaning come to a close. Well technically I only did one day of Spring "cleaning" and two heavy days of Spring shopping. My mom and I practically robbed Anna's linens of two new complete bed sets for my sister and I and all new appliances and curtains for the bathroom.
Tomorrow we plan on hitting the thrift shop for more finds and a nice new chair for my sewing desk that will find it's new home next to my window. That is if we can get it out of the bathroom. You see my water closet is divided into two sections, one holding the toilet and bath/slash shower and the other a powder room with a walk in closet. The year before I went to college the whole tile floor on the first level had to be replaced and since the only places that didn't have tile was the living room and bedrooms we had to clear out the closet.
When the work was done my mom got the idea that instead of just shoving the clothes back in we turn the space into a hobby room for me and I agreed. Since getting my sewing machine that Christmas I had done all my projects in the living room and the clean up was a nightmare! You have not known back pain until you have tried to pick out thread, straight pins, and sewing pattern paper out of a rug! But I digress, anyway, I thought at the time that a smaller and enclosed space would spare me-and the rest of my family-the frustration that came with my sewing space. Oh how wrong was I.
I don't know if it's just me but for some reason no matter what sewing project I'm doing, big or small, it always ends with me in my panties and underwear sweating like a pig. And that was when I had a huge, well ventilated, room to work in. Thinking on it I only think I worked in the closet twice before I I swore never to do it again, putting the lovely blue craft desk my mom and I had snagged at a thrift shop, to waist. Well that changed with this clean up, but when my mom and I went to take out the desk we got as far as the powder room. We realized that the  only way we were going to have to take it apart to get it out. As frustrating as this is it will be worth it because of the project I have planned which I will share with you soon.

My Spring Break

Hello people of the internet! As you know the phenomenon know as Spring Break is almost upon us and while most of you will be spending it living it up on a sunny beach I will be spending it in a doctor's office. You see, after years of fighting a battle with my weight I have decided to undergo Gastric Bypass. This is because even though I am relatively healthy I know my control issues with food-particularly sweets-will lead me to that operating table at some point latter in my life so I might as well do it now while I can still see my toes.
Luckily for me I have not one but two people in my family who have successfully gone through the surgery: My mom and elder sister! My sister had her's mere months ago the day before thanksgiving-oh the irony!-and my mom had hers a few years after giving birth to me. I still have foggy memories of her coming home from the hospital, her movements slow and each step punctuated with a wince or moan, and can recall lying in bed next to her following the thick scar lines across her stomach. Unfortunately for her the doctors had to open her torso in order to get to her stomach but fortunately I will be spared such a fate thanks to the miracle of laparoscopic surgery as depicted in the video below:

I have been watching videos like this ever since I decided to go through with the GB because-thanks to my Asperger-I need to be fully informed and in control about something or else I'll freak out! Which is why the pain of recovery or the chance that the docs might accidentally leave a tool inside of me doesn't freak me out but the going under anesthesia. Yes a part of me is scared that it won't work all the way and I'll be awake while the surgeons cut and paste my guts around but the big thing that scares me is that I won't know how I will take it.

The mystery, the not being able to see between conscious and unconscious, terrifies me so much that sometimes I think about backing out of the surgery entirely! But then I look at my belly squeezed into my jeans and at my mom and sister who are so happy in their new bodies and I realize that the few seconds of unknowing-panic will be worth it. I have also found amazing blogs like this: http://www.moundalexis.com/tm/2010/02/02/the-feeling-of-general-anesthesia/ , that have been a great help.

You can bet I will be blogging about each and every step on the journey to the skinny me I have always had in my head.

One Million Moms

Hello people of the internet! Even though I have yet to have kids myself from observing how my mom raised me I have figured out how to keep kids from doing something stupid and/or dangerous: Just explain to them why they shouldn't do it. Not tell explain, sit them down and go over in detail why you don't want them to do the activity. Take sex for instance: When parents just tell their teens not to do it because God says so and nothing else it makes them curios. Every being below the age of 30 has the insatiable urge to explore the world around them and by smacking the forbidden label on it you don't make it bad you just make it that more desirable. Sometimes they come out okay on their individual exploration but most of the time they come out with a baby, STD, or even a crime.
I say this because recently I became aware of a right wing group called One Million Moms. This group is composed of woman who think that the sexual material in today's media should be banned all together. While I do agree that the world today is a little too raunchy the stuff this group harps about is ridiculous and offensive! Every day these women flood the email boxes of TV stations magazines to take away the programs strictly designed for adults like Two Broke Girls and Family Guy. This type of black-box attitude does not breed the next golden generation but one that has thought owning a person is okay, someone's value is based solely on  what is in-between their legs, and that skin color is what decides how people should be treated.

Why Disney is so popular

Hello people of the internet! As you know we are hours away from seeing if Disney's newest song, Let it go, will snag the best song award and I for one think its got it in the bag. Why? Because let it go is one of the best Disney song since Once upon a dream, Under the sea, and Be our guest.  Not only is it beautifully orchestrated and sung-curtsy of the talented Idina Menzel-but its message of excepting who and what you are and not giving a damn of what the world may think is powerful and relatable, another excellent product from the Disney's catering service.
And when I say catering I don't mean food. You see I believe the reason why films produced by that movie giant with a talking rodent for a mascot is so popular is because they know how to cater to the wants and desire's of their audience.  They have the pretty princesses for the girls, the action for the boys, and the witty writing and comedy for the parents that came to the movies to make sure no perverts ran off with their kids.
The reason this is not another example of Hollywood's tactic to scam you out of your money is because unlike other catering films *cough-Twilight-cough* Disney films actually try to entertain you. You know that when you pop in that old VHS or sit down in that popcorn butter smelling theater seat to watch a Disney flick you are going to be entertained at least for a minute at some point in the film. Hell these guys will actually create a whole new computer system just for their character's  hair, like they did for Rapunzel and Merida  from Tangled and Brave!
Also unlike other catering film *cough-hunger games-cough* Disney films don't toss the their values or the values of the story they are telling out the window just to rake in more money. In between the musical numbers and colorful animation you can still find the message Disney is trying to teach.
And though I admit they do have some instance's  of selling out *cough-Jessie, Austin and Alley, Hannah Montana, and all other Disney TV shows besides Phineas and Ferb-cough* we forgive them for it because if we were to hate them we would be hating our child hood.
One of the greatest things of being born in 1993 is that I was able to catch all the Disney classics and still have them tucked away on a shelf, covered in fake cobwebs my sister was too lazy to clean up from last Halloween, in my garage and will watch each and everyone of them until the tape wears down.
Not only is Disney a huge part of my childhood but what makes me excited when I have kids of my own. I want to sing along to Ariel's Part of your world with my daughter. I want to awe as toys come to life in Toy Story with my sun. I want feel the joy filling my heart as I stand on main street USA with my children watching as their characters come to life and entertain them.
I know all good things must come to an end but all wonderful things are immortal and I hope with every ounce of me that Let it go and the movie that goes with it will continute to thrive through out time entertaining,