Hello people of the internet! While checking out my email this morning I found out that I am signed up to an online dating site called Zoosk via facebook. How this happened I'm not sure but I have decided to give it a try; I may not find the one but at least I will get some practice in the whole dating thing in general. Which I really need since just looking at pictures of my potential suitors had sharp stings of panic racing through my heart.
Why does this happen? Maybe it's because I'm too paranoid that one might be a crazed killer who will hunt me down and skin me alive or that I'm just scared that if I do let them in I'll just get hurt. Not that I've had my heartbroken in the past, in fact, I've never had a real crush before. When I was young I'd mooned over and attempt to flirt with boys but there was no actual genuine affection behind it but a thought that it was the normal thing to do. When I found out-via TV and books-that girls around my age were supposed to be obsessed with boys I decided that I would be too, throwing myself into the prepubescent love scene with all the grace of a three legged cow. No that wasn't a fat joke and no it did not go well.
I had taken a horrible "If you give me stuff I will like you" mentality to the whole thing and felt very uncomfortable about it. Things didn't get better when in my teens all the boys I had been interested in went for my elder sister. I'm not mad about it-since those boys were either losers or potential criminals-but at the time I was really hurt. I felt like the fence between two pastures that boys just hopped over to get to my sister. After the third time this happened I decided to forsake pursuing and just wait for my other half to find me.
But my Asberger's brain couldn't even be content with this action. At night it would torment me with images of living out the rest of my life virginal, childless, and alone, not even able to have an army of cats to keep me company since I am allergic to them! So I'm going to give the cyber highway to love a shot and hoe for the best.
No comments:
Post a Comment